I just cut my nipple shaving
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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