I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize