Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
