I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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