Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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