My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
