This is not my ceiling
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Boobs speak an international language.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
