I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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