theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
