My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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