So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
