Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
