i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
