never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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