i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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