If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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