you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize