i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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