Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
