Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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