So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
