awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
