Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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