You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
