Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
