it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
BRING THE BAGELS
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
