Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
