she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
