I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
