I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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