mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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