john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
