I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
