my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
