Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
