my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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