I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
