Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
