ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
