Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
