Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
