saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
