Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
