I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
