Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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