Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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