Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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