Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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