How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
