So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
