Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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