he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
