Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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