Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
