I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
