I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
