i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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