I feel great
I just peed on a car
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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