You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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