You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
