I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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