Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I want her autograph on my taint
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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