my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
