Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the day after is always just damage control
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
