Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So vagazzling was a success
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